Good morning. If you have raised children into their teen years, or have been their teacher, mentor, or guide, you know what I mean by the “teen shrug.” This may happen when the teen in question has done something that you, the adult, don’t like or agree with. Or they may have failed to do something you felt was required, or (and this is my favorite) they are simply in “one of those moods” and don’t feel like verbal expression.
It works like this: the adult in the equation asks the question, the teen typically looks either down or away, and then you get “the shrug.” The adult’s response to the shrug is almost always “that is not an answer!” The response to that response is typically, you guessed it, another shrug. While we, the adults, are frustrated because we don’t feel our very reasonable and often important (to us at least) questions are being answered, the teen doing the shrugging seems to feel that the shrug itself is a fully adequate and communicative response.
So, what is being communicated with “the shrug?” The person doing the shrugging is communicating A. I don’t know the answer. B. I don’t care to share an answer. C. I dislike this entire exchange and this shrug is the closest you are going to get to an answer. D. Go away and leave me alone. E. All of the above.
The result of “the shrug” usually is a shared unhappiness. The adult is frustrated and often angry. The teen is frustrated and often angry. The original question is often pushed aside while the adult insists on dealing with the larger question of “why do you think it is OK to brush off my questions without answering them?” The teen then looks hurt, angry, defiant, and frustrated. “The shrug” is rarely an effective way to communicate and often results in added pain for all parties.
I would like to give you a good answer from counseling experience on how to deal with this subject. I can’t, for the simple reason that “the shrug” has been around since teens first graced the planet and no one has yet found that good answer. Or if they did, they have kept it to themselves. Oh, and by the way, all of us who were once teens engaged from time to time in that pseudo communication exercise known as “the shrug.”
Yesterday’s thought for the day asked that we consider the idea of “conscience.” This is the voice of God within us, guiding and correcting our thoughts and actions. My thought yesterday addressed four different ways conscience is described in scripture; and from God’s Word we see that there are spiritually healthy and spiritually unhealthy responses to the voice of conscience within us.
The question I would ask you to consider today is whether or not you, at times at least, greet the guiding voice of the Spirit, which we know as the conscience within us, with a shrug? If we are being honest with ourselves the answer is “yes.” There are times when the response of the shrugging teen matches our own attitude. Rather than sharing in a prayer dialogue with our Father God we instead share that spiritual “shrug,” communicating A. I don’t know the answer. B. I don’t care to share an answer. C. I dislike this entire exchange and this shrug is the closest you are going to get to an answer. D. Go away. E. All of the above.
What the shrug often prevents is an opportunity for growth and intimacy. This is why it is so frustrating when we love the person who is refusing to engage in what we feel is reasonable communication.
In the 3rd chapter of Paul’s letter to the Philippians the apostle describes why everything in this life that someone else might consider of great value, even worthy of recognition and praise, is to him nothing more than a steaming pile of filth. It isn’t that those other things don’t matter, it is only that in comparison to knowing Christ Jesus as his Savior he thinks of those things in this lowly way. In verses 10-11 he tells us: I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.
Paul isn’t suggesting that it is his goal to know “of” Christ. It is not His goal to have a “reasonable” relationship with Christ. It is his goal and his joy to know Christ in fullness. Paul’s desire is to know Him intimately, from the power of the resurrection to joining Him in His sufferings. When this particular word we translate as “know” is used in scripture it is describing an intimate, loving, fully sharing, joyfully communicating relationship. This must be the desire of every Christian heart, to know Christ in this powerfully intimate way.
This means that we should be on the lookout for the “shrug” response to the Spirit’s voice. Yes, we may be being called to account for words, thoughts, or actions that are not righteous. The Spirit’s voice may be telling us that repentance, correction, forgiveness, and change are required. It may not be what our flesh identity wants to hear…so it is tempting to give God the same response we give or gave to our parents. We give the Spirit of God a spiritual shrug. Don’t do that. God doesn’t want a “shrug,” God wants a hug. God wants His repentant children to fly into His arms, thankful for his forgiveness and for a new opportunity.
Seek intimacy with your Lord today, and whatever your age or situation, please try to resist the urge to shrug.
Vern